One of the most valuable skills which we can learn as leaders is to find ways to widen the gap between our emotional response and our reaction. As leaders we should commit to developing self-awareness and responding to feedback, and as part of this, we should learn about our patterns of reaction. Once we understand this, we can start to think about what would improve our impact.
One great way to do this is to recognise the emotions which affect us most deeply (for example, feeling embarrassed, betrayed, disrespected, ignored) and the way in which this makes us respond (shutting down, avoidance, losing our temper, not listening, meddling, inappropriate use of humour).
Once you understand this pattern you can introduce techniques to create a gap between feeling and reacting.
Three techniques to try:
- Counting. As a child, you may have been told to count to ten before you react. This may still work. Some people find it useful to count to a specified number by pressing each finger against their thumb. This can ground you and give you the space to consider the response you want to give.
- Prompt questions. Depending on your habits there may be some questions which you could ask yourself before reacting. These will be very specific to you and your tendencies, but some examples could be: What do I need to do next for the good of this organisation? What response can I make now which best progresses long term aims rather than short term gains? What would I do next if I worried less about being liked?
Role model – is there someone whose responses you admire? Can you imagine how they would react in a similar situation? What would Beyonce do?